My computer runs on an AMD microprocessor. I don't know if it's worse or better than Intel, but at the time I bought it AMD-based PCs were slightly cheaper than Intel-based ones, and a few bucks more or less do make a difference for us free-lance language professionals.
It now turns out it was a lucky choice. For, according to my Zionist friends, had I bought a computer with an Intel micro, I wouldn't be able to criticize Israel. Why? Because Intel chips were developed at a Haifa facility, and, how could I use an Israeli invention for anti-Zionist purposes?
And that's by no means the only restriction I face. According to my Zio-friends, if I ever get colon cancer, I won't be allowed to use an Israeli-developed colonoscopy device consisting of a microcamera that navigates up your rectum -- unless, that is, I agree to start a pro-Zionist blog and scrap the present one. Likewise, I won't be permitted to drive a hydrogen-powered car (which is based on another Israeli invention) when they become available in Argentina, although the prohibition could be reconsidered if I agree to write at least 10 letters to the editor on the use of human shields by Hamas.
Because, you know, it's not ethical to use the creations of a group of people at the very same time that you trash said group.
The question arises, though: does Israel live up to that standard?
In the first place, they should ban public performances of Wagnerian music. Wait a minute; they're already doing that, you'll say. Yes, but they're cheating. They don't play Wagner but they do play Dvořák, Mahler, Bruckner, Strauss, Elgar, Frank or Berg -- all of them composers influenced by Wagner, and who extensively used his orchestration procedures.
They should use asbestos to build their schools, since the link between asbestos and lung cancer was discovered by the Nazis. I know, I know, they do use asbestos when they build schools for Arabs; but I mean they should use it in schools for Jews.
The Israelis should refrain from using archival information recorded on magnetophonic tape, since the the world's first practical tape recorder, the K1, was first demonstrated in Germany in 1935 -- regrettably for the Israelis, just in time to be considered a Nazi Germany invention.
If I can't use an Intel chip, the Israelis shouldn't have developed it in the first place, since it's part of a computer, and the first functional computer, the Z3, was invented in Nazi Germany (for all their technical ability, they were terrible at naming their inventions, mind you).
No Israeli should use methadone, another Nazi invention, as an inexpensive pain killer.
The Israeli Air Force should never, ever, use jet fighters! It is very well known that the first operational jet fighter was the Messerschmitt Me 262 -- again, developed by the Nazis. Not to mention stealth planes -- the Nazi Horten Ho 229 was the first such aircraft.
And, among countless other inventions, Israelis should of course refrain from using guided missiles, since the first such device was the V2, developed by card-carrying Nazi Wernher von Braun using a 60,000-strong slave force (partly Jewish) who mostly died from overwork at the production facilities in Peenemünde.
So here's my proposal for the Israelis: they don't use any more missiles against the Palestinians. And I promise to stick to AMD for the rest of my life.
El País (Der Stürmer)
9 years ago